The Happiness Project #17 How to let go of judgement

Letting go of judgement

 

Last year I have planned my Happiness Project month after month, probably the first time in my life that I actually planned something that far ahead. Planning never really worked out for me but I was convinced that applying a little bit of structure in my self-development wouldn’t harm anyone. And then, well, life happened as usual. I started to feel weird and intuitively knew something was up straight away… and it was! I found out that I was pregnant, something that was definitely not on my year planning and a bit of a shock but at the same time very welcome. A side effect that wasn’t as welcome was that I have been properly sick for over four months, having maybe 3 hours a day that I was able to do something and the rest of the time I was in bed or hugging the toilet seat (the joys of pregnancy). Everything, including my Happiness Project and my Online mindfulness course were being put on hold as a result. I remember how I had so much resistance coming up, not wanting to accept this situation and feeling like I could not allow myself to stop working. I had so many thoughts like “I can’t cancel clients”, “I NEED to make my deadline for my online course” and “I don’t have the time to be sick”. However, like always, the more I resisted being sick, the worse I felt. Eventually I just surrendered to my situation, knowing this was the only way to make it through without any extra struggle, knowing it was just temporarily. The good news is that after 4 months of suffering, I finally start to feel good again and I am back to writing and teaching! I will continue the 3 remaining months of my Happiness Project and I have 3 months of my pregnancy left, so the timing is right after all.

This month I want to focus on some that is quite hard for most of us: less judging, less complaining, less gossiping or talking negative about others. I am happy I feel physically a lot better because I have to admit that I have complained quite a bit during this pregnancy so far! We all do it all the time of you think about it. We are constantly judging others and judging ourselves the entire day which costs us a lot of energy. We judge about how others look, what they are doing, how they are dressing, who they hang out with, how much they earn, how far they are in life, if they have an relationship, who they used to be and the list continues. We look at them and immediately make the judgement whether they are better than us or less than us. Usually, when we think they are ‘better than’ us we feel shit about outselves and when we think they are ‘less than’ us we feel better about ourselves and that’s why we love to talk negative about others, because it makes us look and feel better for a moment. But let’s be honest here, although putting some else down just to make you feel good for a minute, actually makes you feel a bit shitty about yourself too. End conclusion: judging others make you feel shitty in general, is a waste of your energy and does not make you a nice person to be around. Why?

 

It’s all about love

Because we all seek connection and love, in one way or the other. That’s also one of the reason why we gossip, talking together about someone else makes us feel connected. The truth is, we are all connected and we are all equal. Seeing that and remembering that makes you feel humble, gives you more compassion and helps you to let go of all judgement. The second you can clearly see that no one is better or worse than you, a false sense of entitlement will fall of you and you instantly feel connected to everyone and you will feel love around you.

So, the less you judge about others the better you will feel and the better your life will become. You will start attracting more positive people and experiences in your life and have more energy for constructive things. Once you become aware of judgement and complaining, you will still be surprised how much you actually do it! Become aware of when you do it and why you do it. Usually, the judgement we have about others reflects the judgement we have about ourselves. Your outer world is always a reflection of your inner world.

 

Simple steps to let go of Judgement

How to become less judgemental, have more energy, feel more connected and be more loving? These simple steps help you to let go of your judgements:

 

  1. Like always, the condition to change anything is to first become aware of the thoughts that you are having. Everything that you are not aware of, you can’t change either. This means getting off your automatic pilot and becoming more present during your day. Mindfulness meditations are a very effective tool for doing that.
  2. Once you become aware of your thought, it’s crucial to just acknowledge it for what it is… a judgement. It’s just a thought, nothing more and nothing less! Once you become aware of the fact that you are judging, gossiping or complaining, you actually have a choice of how to respond to it.
  3. What is important once you have acknowledged the thought, is to immediately forgive the thought. What happens once we become aware of what our thoughts are is that we start judging our thoughts. So basically, we are judging our judgements resulting in more judgement! Aargh! Recognizing it as simply a judgement, something that the human brain is programmed to do and will probably always do will help you to forgive the thought. It’s not about the initial thought that you are having, because we don’t have much control over what thoughts are running through our heads. How you respond to those thoughts is what matters and where you actually have control over.
  4. Once you have forgiven the thought, let it go by coming back to the present moment, to your breath or to whatever you are doing.
  5. You can no choose to see your truth, to see how everyone is equal and connected. If this feels good to you, you can choose to send this person a loving thought or even loving words.

Repeat this over and over again during your day. You will notice that over time, you will let go more and more of judgement and become more positive. The more you can become aware, acknowledge and let go and come back to love, the more positive you will become. Just like you wire your brain in a negative way when complaining and gossiping, you wire your brain to become more positive when you constantly choose love. I have been practicing this for quite a while already, but I do feel like I am ready to deepen this practice since it is one of the most significant parts of becoming a happier person.

My challenge for this month: less complaining, less judgement and less gossip.

Let’s make this world a little bit better by spreading more love. Who’s in?

 

Nadja

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